


Haunted House

by DS Ryelle (azumakomari)



Category: House M.D., Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: Characters Named After Real People, Control Freak Character, Gen, House in a Musical, Ideas Jammed Together, Secret Guest Star
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-10-08
Updated: 2005-10-08
Packaged: 2019-02-10 12:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azumakomari/pseuds/DS%20Ryelle
Summary: On a whim, Cuddy signs the (original) team up for a production of The Phantom of the Opera. When the Dean of Medicine decides that the musical is taking too much time away from their regular work, a VIP makes a large donation to ensure that the show goes on.





	1. Pata Pata/Casting Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first fic on the Jamie's FanGirl account, and once FF introduced crossovers, I found a lot of fans who were House/Phantom lovers like me, and it became kind of popular.
> 
> I believe my original intention was Fiddler, but I couldn't find a libretto to use as a reference while writing, and matching the casts wouldn't have worked very well.
> 
> Also, I had only seen a few episodes at this point, so I was under the impression that Wilson was a bit more straitlaced--which is why he loosens up as the story goes on.
> 
> * * *
> 
> If I had the patience (and the ideas) to rewrite any of my fics, this would probably be it--it has the potential to be so much better! (I'd probably have to rewatch the first season or two to get my head back in the fandom, though.)
> 
> This is unedited from the original version, except for any spelling/spacing/grammar errors.

_Sacude bien la cadera asa pata pata_  
Sacude bien la cadera asa pata pata  
Sacude bien la cadera asa pata pata  
Sacude bien la cadera asa pata pata

 _Y meneaba y meneaba asa pata pata_  
Y meneaba y meneaba asa pata  
Y meneaba y meneaba asa pata pata  
Y meneaba y meneaba asa pata

Lisa Cuddy looked anxiously over the shoulder of the gentleman in front of her. "What are they doing?"

"Rehearsing 'Pata Pata'…Which might end up as the closing number. Or somewhere in the middle. Claire hasn't decided yet."

Stacy Warner joined Lisa in the aisle. "What's 'Pata Pata' and who's Claire?"

"Claire is the Director, Choreographer and Swing," replied the gentleman patiently. "I don't admit to understanding very much about the history of the tune, but as far as I've heard, 'Pata Pata' is a traditional South African social song. There is a dance that goes with it, but Claire decided she wanted a bit more of a Latin feel to it, hence what you're seeing in front of you. At any rate, 'Pata Pata' is a songClaire heard on television the other nightand she became determined to do something with it."

"The first thing being to get rid of that silly bunny hop," interjected a second gentleman, who had suddenly appeared by Lisa's shoulder.

"Which is not part of the original dance," added the first.

"Right."

"Claire is so mad about 'Pata Pata' that she even went off and learned a bit of Xhosa, so she could sing the song properly."

By the time the men were finished discussing the song, the cast of the production had cleared off the stage and Claire was clapping her hands.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Claire Havilland and I am the director of your lovely little production. I see some of you have already met my loyal staff members…We have one of our producers, William Morrison." She pointed to the second gentleman. "Our casting director, Arthur Robinson." Claire gestured to a third gentleman that was coming down the aisle. "Our other producer, Matthew Parker." She pointed to the first gentleman. "And of course, our lovely choreographer, Bagaelia, who I am told is outside taking a call at the moment."

Claire hopped off the stage and got closer to the crowd that was milling about the aisles. "Now, if you will all take your seats, Arthur is handing out copies of the libretto and we will begin here in a moment."

As the scripts began filtering through the audience, groans rent the air.

" _Fiddler on the Roof_? Why  _Fiddler on the Roof_?"

"Can't we do  _Cabaret_?"

"What about  _Phantom_?"

"I was hoping for  _Thoroughly Modern Millie_ or  _Forever Plaid_."

" _How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying_?"

"You aren't going to succeed with  _Fiddler_! What about  _Jesus Christ Superstar_  or maybe  _Godspell_?"

"If we can't get romantic with  _The Phantom of the Opera_ , at least give us  _The King and I_!"

" _Miss Saigon_ would be fun!"

"At least it's not  _The Music Man_. If I've seen that show once, I've seen it a thousand times!"

When everyone finished complaining, they found Claire back on stage.

"Are we all quite finished?" Claire's hands were on her hips and she gave everyone a look as if they had all been naughty children. "You're all  _quite_ suited to this musical, whether you like it or not.

"We'll start from the top." The director opened up a notebook, pattered down the stairs, and took her seat toward the back of the house with her producers.

"I need someone to read Tevye. He's a heavyset gentleman, anywhere from 45-65 years of age, and is able to sing baritone, about low A flat to high F. Any takers?" Clearly annoyed by the silence, Claire continued, "Doctor Wilson. How about you?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't."

The director rolled her eyes. "Golde, a stubborn woman from age 40 to 55. She is a Mezzo, and can handle from low A to E flat. Ms. Warner, give it a try."

"Uh…no."

"Uh,  _yes_."

"I don't think so, Ms. Havilland. I'm sorry."

"Alright. Next we have Tzeital, Tevye and Golde's eldest daughter, who is anywhere from 18-25. She's in love with the tailor and is a Mezzo who can make it from low B to D sharp. Doctor Cameron, would you give the part of Tzeital a try?"

Allison gave a fake cough, then croaked, "I think I'm losing my voice."

Claire sighed and rolled her eyes. "None of you want to do  _Fiddler on the Roof,_ do you?"

"We said that before!" Gregory House exclaimed.

"Fine, fine. We'll take a ten minute break and when we come back, we'll be working from the libretto to  _Phantom of the Opera_ , and I will have the cast completely set. There will be no auditions and no changes. Now shoo!"


	2. A Brief Respite

"You're full of it!" House crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm serious!" Allison tried not to giggle. "I think you're going to end up as the Phantom. Don't you think so, Doctor Cuddy?"

"Oh, yes!" Lisa nodded enthusiastically.

"He's certainly got the right attitude!" jibed Stacy.

"Of course, if you aren't interested, I will certainly take your part." By the tone of his voice, James was fairly preening himself.

"I don't think it's a matter of whether or not Dr. House  _wants_ the part," interrupted Eric. "It's more like if Ms. Havilland  _chooses_  him to play the Phantom, then House has no other option."

"I could quit," offered Greg.

"You won't," muttered Robert. "You'd rather turn in your stethoscope than pass this up."

"That sounds good too." House agreed.

"House!" The group exclaimed in unison.

"A little bit of community service never hurt anyone," sniffed Dr. Cuddy.

"How do you figure?"

"Figure what?"

"How do you figure that doing this is community service?" House was clearly annoyed.

"It's more of an emblematic thing," said James.

"Yeah. Emblematic of you snapping at people in a location other than the hospital!" Eric muttered.

"Now, now!" Lisa scolded. "Try to act like men and not two-year-olds, hmm?"

Stacy glanced at her watch. "Bickering time is over, boys. We need to get back into the theatre, or Ms. Havilland will have our hides."


	3. Planning Period I

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen!" Claire boomed the crowd filed back into theatre. "I am glad to see that all of you have chosen to return." She gave House a sharp look, but he refused to meet her gaze. "Now then. The sooner you take your seats, the sooner we can resume this meeting. Alright?"

Before everyone had barely had a chance to mill toward their places, Claire gestured wildly to her assistants to begin passing things out.

"You are now receiving your copies of the  _Phantom_ libretto. If you still have your copy of the  _Fiddler_ libretto, you are asked to turn it in at this time. And before you ask, the cover is blue so that you may distinguish the libretto from the other items you are receiving.

"Along with your libretto, you should be receiving a pencil and a highlighter. These are on loan, so please return them after the meeting. From now on, you are to bring a sharpened pencil with a good eraser to every rehearsal. We will be making changes to the script from time to time, and you need to have it on hand to make notes when we begin blocking. Yes, Dr. Chase?"

"When will we find out our parts?"

"In due time, Doctor. I do not want all of you highlighting, making notes and chattering while I'm giving you your information, so all of you will find out your parts at the end.

"You are also receiving a thin book with a pink cover. The songs are in the libretto, but only the lyrics are present. The pink-covered book contains the lyrics  _and_ the music, so you can practice at home with a piano or whatever you like. Copies of a CD are coming around, as well. This recording was done when they shot the movie last year, and is far superior to many of the other recordings you might find on the market, along with that of the original cast. When we go off-script, you will be turning this CD in for a new one without the lyrics. Like the first one, you will be expected to utilize this compact disc for rehearsing your music for at least an hour a day, though more is recommended. Are all of you with me so far?"

The group mumbled and nodded.

"Excellent. The book with the green cover is the calendar. I realize the scheduling blocks are not very big, so I have provided you with several blank, lined pages to add any extra dates and scheduling notes that you may have.

"We're going to go over the schedule next, so please listen carefully – this is  **very** important." Claire paused and accepted a glass of water from one of her assistants. "Today's date is the 10th, as you can see, because 'Casting Call' is printed on the calendar, and that is where you are right now.

"Tomorrow, we will be taking a tour of the theatre you are sitting in right now. You are expected to report no later than 4:30 p.m., so please remember that in this Company, on time is late and early is on time. We will not be doing anything else tomorrow as far as the show is concerned, because  _uP tHiNg_ is rehearsing most of the day, and then the production crew will be setting up starting about an hour before we arrive.

"Wednesday, we are going to see our show as put on by another company. You are expected to arrive at 3:00 p.m., because we will be going over the libretto before we depart, and then it is a bit of a drive to the theatre besides.

"Thursday, we will be measuring for costumes. You will arrive at the same time you did today, and you will be measured on a first come, first served basis. Please make sure you have your librettos with you, as we will be having group discussions after the measuring is over. Also, do not try to lose any weight between now and Thursday. I will be keeping track of you to be sure that it doesn't happen, because I don't want to have any issues with ill-fitting costumes. Any questions?"

Claire was met with silence and eyes that were glued to the calendar.

"Friday, Saturday and Monday, we will be having a sing-through with a pianist present, so please be sure to bring your pink book.

"We will be having read-throughs Tuesday through Thursday, so please bring your libretto. You do not need your pink book, as we will merely be reading on those days."

Claire stopped for another drink and stared at the group for a moment. "If you have any questions, please feel free to interrupt me at any time."

No vocal response…Just nods.

"Friday, Saturday and Monday will be blocking act one and Tuesday through Thursday is blocking for act two. Everyone needs to be present because we will be blocking the scenes in order. This also means you need to bring your libretto, so please make sure you do so.

"Friday the 28th begins a week-long odyssey with Bagaelia. Yes, you will need to bring your dancing shoes, but no, please do not leave your brains and librettos at home, because we will be practicing a bit afterwards.

"The orchestra will begin on Tuesday, November 1st. They will be quite familiar with their parts by then, so they will be able to play for you during part of your choreography rehearsals, and for all of our reading rehearsals.

"You are expected to be off-script by Wednesday the 2nd, so I am amending the bring-your-libretto rule for the last two days of the dance rehearsal.

"Regular rehearsals commence on Friday the 4th, and will continue for the rest of the month, unless otherwise noted. This means you are to arrive at 6:00 a.m. for your time with Bagaelia. You will rehearse the dance portions until noon, when you will be given an hour for lunch. The formal vocal warm-up will be at 1:00 p.m. and actual rehearsals start at 1:30."

"I have a question."

"Yes, Doctor House?"

"Why do we have to be here so early?"

"Because the afternoon and evening hours are currently occupied. The cast of  _the Phantom of the Opera_  is here from 6:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I get 90 minutes to go home and have a bit of a reprieve, and then I am back here at 6:00 p.m. for the closing rehearsals of  _uP tHiNg_  – which opens October 16th, I might add – which takes me until 11:00 p.m. After that, I go home, work on my parts and things for an hour, go to bed at midnight, and then I am back up at 5:15 to be here and start my day all over again."

Murmurs of amazement filled the air, and Eric raised his hand after a moment.

"Yes, Doctor Foreman?"

"Why do we spend six hours on choreography?"

"Have you not seen the show, Doctor?"

He shook his head.

" _Phantom of the Opera_ is a very dance-intensive show, a lot of which is either ballet or ballroom. Actually, you should be glad you weren't cast in  _uP tHiNg_  – they have been rehearsing 12 hours a day and most of that show is dance. Does that answer your question?"

He nodded.

"Good. Now, I don't suppose I can go any farther without announcing the cast, so please listen carefully if you've let your mind wander these last few moments.

"Monsieur Reyer and the Auctioneer will be played by Alan Richards.

"The part of Monsieur LeFevre and one of the Porter parts goes to Charles Strathmore.

"Joseph Buquet will be played by Alfred Mullins.

"Toby Dykstra will be playing the parts of Don Attilo, Passarino and the Slave Master. Alex Miller is the Flunky, the Stagehand, the Policeman and one of the Pages.

"I have cast Christina Simpson in the parts of the Second Porter, the Fireman and the Second Page. Melanie Johnson will be playing the parts of the Wardrobe Mistress and Madame Firmin.

"Tara Daily is the Innkeeper's Wife and the Princess, and I have chosen Romy Byrne and Rebecca Laurie as the leaders of the 'Ballet Rats'."

Shuffling her papers around, Claire gave a small smile. "And now, I will announce the bigger parts."

All of the doctors – except House – looked at each other anxiously. None of them had been called yet, and the best parts were still waiting to be handed out.

"Monsieur Firmin and Monsieur Andre will be played by James Wilson and Thomas Foster, respectively.

"Madame Giry will be played by Stacy Warner and Meg Giry will be played by Katherine Simpson. I have also selected Eric Foreman to play Ubaldo Piangi"

Lisa reached over the seat in front of her to grasp Allison's hand. It was between the two of them for Christine, and between House and Chase for the Phantom.


	4. Planning Period II

"The part of Raoul will be played by Robert Chase and the part of Carlotta Giudicelli will be played by Lisa Cuddy, leaving Allison Cameron to the part of Christine and Doctor Gregory House to play the Phantom of the Opera!"

Time slowed and seemed to swirl around the four doctors like mother-of-pearl frosting as the tension finally broke and the cast released an audible sigh of relief. In a short moment, however, time sped back up; finding Lisa and Allison grabbing each other like little school girls and jumping for joy in the aisle, while Chase patted House on the shoulder and murmured his congratulations.

Claire was beaming. "I'm glad everyone is pleased with my selections, but there will be plenty of time for celebrating later. Shall we get back to work?"

Realizing they were being called out, Drs. Cameron and Cuddy let go of each other and returned to their seats, flushed with embarrassment.

"I have scheduled costume fittings for Friday, November 19th, so hopefully they will be done by then. You will come in one by one for your fittings, so please make a note of your call time.

"I expect to see Dr. House at 6:00 a.m., followed by Dr. Cameron at 6:30. Doctor Chase will follow her at 7:00, and Dr. Wilson and Mr. Foster have been scheduled for 7:30. I need to see Dr. Cuddy promptly at 8:00 a.m., followed by Ms. Warner and Miss Simpson at 8:30. 9 o'clock is Dr. Foreman, 9:30 is Mr. Richards and Mr. Strathmore; 10 is Mr. Mullins and Mr. Dykstra, 10:30 is Mr. Miller and Miss Simpson, 11 is Mrs. Johnson and Ms. Daily and I expect to see the Ballet Rats at 11:30 for a group fitting.

"Why I have to be here so early?" House grumbled. "I have some complicated costumes, don't I? Why I can't  _I_ come in at 11?"

"Because we are also having a bit of a rehearsal that day. You will show me your skills after your fitting, and then you and Dr. Cameron will rehearse together, and then Dr. Chase will join you, and so on and so forth."

House sneered, but said nothing.

"Don't expect any downtime on Saturday…We're having a makeup test that day to make sure the makeup department knows what they're doing for each of you, and to make sure  _you_ know what you're doing, as some of you will be expected to do your own makeup for the dress rehearsals and each performance. This is also a heavily scheduled day, so please make a note of your times.

"The Ballet Rats will have a group makeup session at 6:00 a.m., Daily and Johnson will come in at 7:00, and I will see young Miss Simpson and Mr. Miller at 7:30. Dykstra and Mullins, I need you at 8:00, Strathmore and Richards, 8:30 and Wilson and Foster at 9:00. I would like to see Dr. Foreman at 9:30, elder Simpson and Ms. Warner at 10:00 and Dr. Cuddy needs to be here by 10:45. Doctor Chase, if you would come at 11:30, the makeup department will probably be able to see Dr. Cameron by 12:15. As for our star, I am told the makeup people will see Dr. House at 1:00 and hope to be done by 4:00." Claire took a sip of her water. "Speaking of which, Dr. House, do you have a problem?"

"Yes, in fact I do. Why the hell does the makeup department want to spend three hours with me?"

"Why Gregory, I thought you knew!"

"Knew what?"

"The Phantom doesn't hide in the bowels of the opera house because he lacks your rapier wit…It's because he was born with a birth defect…A rather mangled face. You'll have to shave so that the prosthetics will fit properly and not destroy your skin when the makeup department takes them off. They'll slick your hair back (and put a wig on later), exfoliate your face, moisturize it, then attach the prosthetic pieces, put in your contacts and airbrush your face to pull it all together. It's a very involved process…Takes about three hours."

Cowed for once, House slid down into his seat.

"On the 18th, we'll begin a week of technical rehearsals. The light and sound people will have practiced several times by then, but we'll have to make sure everything is adjusted and synchronized. Can't have a spotlight shining in Dr. Cuddy's eyes when she's trying to sing an aria!

"I don't know if it was a scheduling error or not, but fortunately, it's one in your favor. As the current calendar reads, you have the weekend of November 26th and 27th off. However, I wouldn't make any plans for that Saturday if I were you…We might need to stick in a rehearsal there.

"Otherwise, I will not see any of you again until the 28th when we have the first dress rehearsal. Unlike the majority of the month before, the dress rehearsals will take place from 6:00 p.m. to around 11:00 p.m., so make sure you make a note of that.

"Three dress rehearsals and the big night arrives! The curtain rises at 7:30 p.m.  _sharp_  on December 1st!

"Well, that's it for today. We have eight long weeks of hard work ahead of us, but it will all turn out well in the end." Claire shut her notebook with a snap and looked out at her cast. "4:30 tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen…Don't forget! Cast dismissed!"

In a room of leaping hearts, Lisa Cuddy dropped a bomb. "Doctors, I expect to see you in the hospital conference room in ten minutes!"


End file.
